Stroke-inducing Rights of Passage

Today was a momentous day. I bought a new car for the first time in 13.5 years (and I’ve only been married for 12). FYI, my husband has had about 5 different cars in the last 12 years, but apparently that’s irrelevant….

I thought THAT was my big news for today. But then, I came home, and I read my four- year-old daughter a book before bed, and then she looked at me, filled with excitement at a memory she had forgotten to share, her big blue eyes all lit up, and she started telling me about the field trip she went on today at day care. They took a bus to the park, and here’s how her story went…told quickly and with enthusiasm: “we were on the bus, and Landon said let’s kiss on the cheek and then he said let’s kiss on the lips so we did.” She said this with a big smile on her face, oblivious to the fact that I was having a stroke. OMG I thought. She’s four!!! And she kissed a boy on the lips!! On the bus!! I thought I had a few more years before I had to deal with this. Did I kiss at four? I don’t really remember. But regardless…I was not expecting it to happen to her.

I’m not equipped to deal with this information. I say to her (essentially, I’m paraphrasing because I was in shock and I don’t really remember the conversation exactly)… “the next time a boy says that to you, you tell him that you only kiss on the cheek.” And she says to me (!)…my four-year-old, beautiful, precious girl says to me… “no, I liked it, so I’ll kiss on the lips if he asks me.”

Oh the trauma. The turmoil. The fear of the future. I’m sure it’s just a normal right of passage. I’m sure lots of little girls and boys do such things (after all, this is probably the prime age for “playing doctor.”) But being confronted with it…in such a happy, off-handed way… I can barely explain my emotions. Of course, it’s inevitable, and at least (I suppose) I should be glad that she shared this information with me. But why can’t I keep myself from leaping ahead 10 years or so and wondering what she’ll be doing in our basement some day (“but I liked it…so if he asks…I’ll say yes…”). Oy. I can’t even type any more.

I’m sorry. There’s no big point to this blog entry…no life lesson…no commentary on the big picture or politics or the economy. Other than, I suppose, that this is a moment that millions have lived, in various varieties, over the history of time, and I shouldn’t overreact. (I never overreact, so that shouldn’t be an issue). Lucky for me, I have a son who in a few years will likely be the instigator of the kiss on the bus. Is that sexist? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just nature taking its course. I think I just found a gray hair…